


cold little heart

by josiewrites



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/F, Holidays, Pining, Riley/Maya endgame, Underage Drinking, time jumps, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-14 23:12:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13018197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josiewrites/pseuds/josiewrites
Summary: “Be my New Years kiss?”Riley’s always been oblivious to the effect she has on you.It’s not her fault.





	cold little heart

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, I’ve been posting Lucaya stories more recently but I’m definitely still writing Rilaya.
> 
> Thanks to those that read/comment/leave kudos, you’re all fabulous. -Josie

It begins on December 8th- Riley’s birthday.

You’re sixteen and longing for more of a rush from life. More of anything, really.

But especially something that makes the pain of watching Riley kiss some boy at her party become dull to the point of no longer existing. 

You leave because it hurts. Watching her with someone else isn’t an ache you want to feel.

You’d recently discovered where your mom hides her liquor stash. She’s away- working as usual - so when you crash through the front door of your home feeling like a pile of bones needing to find a way to piece yourself back together, you grab a bottle of whiskey and head to the roof.

It’s freezing as fuck outside. You’ve always hated this weather but there’s something about this cold and how you feel it in your bones. 

There’s no way to find that heat you’re desperate for until the bottle meets your lips, the way the whiskey burns as it slides down your throat, lighting a fire from the inside out - it’s then that you decide it’s the only warmth you need.

.

It’s Christmas.

You’re eighteen and the future is ahead of you or some shit like that. High school is coming to an end soon. The notions of hope and life being so much more after graduation is an idea that your mother - a waitress - keeps beating over your head.

Honestly, looking at yourself now and your family history... the future seems bleak. 

This holiday never helps. You associate it with family and other things you don’t have. Like, money for gifts and loads of stuff that people swear Christmas isn’t about. 

Your mom always works on holidays, it brings in extra money and, really, you’ve never been a family that’s made up of traditions.

Riley texts you:

12:48 pm

‘MERRY CHRISTMAS, PEACHES!!! I miss you! There’s a place for you here ALWAYS, but especially today if you get bored at home.’

Followed by at least a dozen holiday themed emojis. Very Riley. You want to roll your eyes but it’s for reasons like these that you love her. 

You could go over there. Instead- you curl up on the couch with a bottle of cheap liquor you bought with a fake ID and watch horror movies until you’re too drunk to stay awake.

.

You’re at a party on campus, it’s nearing midnight on December 31st and -

“Be my New Years kiss?”

Riley’s always been oblivious to the effect she has on you. It’s not her fault. But her seemingly innocent question accompanied with a huge smile sends your head fucking reeling.

You disappear without a word.

Later, well past midnight, Riley finds you nearly passed out. You think you can hear the disappointment in her sigh as she brushes hair back from your face.

“I wish you wouldn’t do this to yourself,” her voice is so, so quiet and she sounds sad. Maybe a little conflicted, disappointed.. you can’t place the underlying tone.

“I wish you loved me,” is all you say before you close your eyes, scared to see her face.

-

As sunlight pushes it’s way through the bedroom curtains, you can’t help the disgruntled groan that comes from your mouth. You feel like death and it strikes you how ridiculous it is that you don’t know how to avoid getting hangovers.

“Morning, sunshine”

Riley’s next to you, she’s done this so many times for you. Getting you home safely and staying the night.

Taking care of you. 

“Maya?”

“Hm?” It’s a challenge to say anything more than just that as your mouth is dry and speaking would only increase the chances of throwing up. 

“You said something last night and-“

Oh. You have to say something now, because this could be bad.

“Whatever I said just forget-“

“No, it’s okay,” you always trust Riley when she says things are fine. “You need to know that.. I do love you. The way I think you meant it.”

The timing can’t be any worse and though you can’t help it, this is when your stomach lurches and all the drinking from the night before catches up to you. She holds your hair back as you try desperately not to miss the wastebasket by your bedside.

Riley rubs your back as you groan, feeling truly disgusting and there are few times when she’s not so oblivious to your moods, “Even with this, Maya, I’ll always be here.”

.

When the cold weather blows in late during the next year, your heart’s had a little time to thaw and heal. 

“I hate December,” you grumble, “I hate freezing my ass off and also people are meaner this time of year.”

“I know, Peaches,” She presses a kiss to your head.

It’s not so bad. Riley loves winter, snow, and Christmas. 

And she takes so much time to show you why. 

Riley tells you that you can make the holidays whatever you want them to be. The world can be just the two of you - it always has been - hiding out in your tiny apartment away from the icy weather. 

She decks out the place in themed decor. Red and green everywhere. 

There’s a sorry excuse for a Christmas tree in the corner by the window. It’s a tiny thing but sue insisted that if you didn’t get it, no one would and it deserves a home. You don’t dare argue with her. It’s covered in a mismatch of colors - lights and ornaments and a goddamn purple cat at the very top instead of a star or an angel. Her artistic abilities haven’t improved much over the years, or at all, since middle school... but she spent a lot of time drawing, coloring, cutting out, and taping the cat to the tip of the tree so you just smile and say it’s great.

It’s ridiculous, you love her.

And you discover that this might actually be your favorite- Riley, snuggled up next you underneath a blanket by the fireplace as she quietly sings christmas songs very much off-key with a lazy smile on her face and a hand laced with yours.

This is what you needed all along.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ yellowbrick-roads


End file.
